an intrepid pop culture reporter who goes to a school of witchcraft and wizardry, falls in love with head boy Tom Hardy, and also happens to be very good at breakdancing

I don't know anything about Channing Tatum other than his abs/arms but he always seems like a sweet guy under the guns. I just want to make him some soup and tell him it's going to be OK.

The only right answer is to fuck Anderson Cooper, marry Neil Patrick Harris, and kill Andy Cohen. I believe these are self-explanatory so I won't bore you with my reasoning.

Now I have to tell the story of the time I took advantage of being home alone when I was 11 to belt "I Dreamed a Dream" in my bedroom. When I got to the big note, "So different now from what it seeeeeeeeemed!" my cat ran into my room and bit her way up my arm before sinking her teeth into my neck, vampire style, to…

If you don't swear at your pets at home, they're just going to learn those words on the street.

Okay bears, don't say we never did anything for you

god save us the day I write this on uppers

Since when the fuck has rap not been an art? Your racism and classism are showing.

Rainbow Brite is a chubby-cheeked kid. I don't know who the hell this teenager is.

Please love me for restraining from my giant volume of Blue Crush 2 jokes I wanted to make on this post!

Damn! Why is everything so black and white for you?

Bearclaw.

4 puns in two sentences. Fantastic work mcstabby.

I don't know about that. I'm normally nuts about pandas, but this whole thing made me feel pretty squirrely. I think it's ursine of the apawcolypse or something.

Your comment made me paws for thought.

This us bearly anything more than blatant pandaring.

Only a couple times in my life have I asked a woman who was otherwise a stranger for her number. My romantic/sexual encounters have exclusively come through meeting a friend of a friend, and something developing from there.

In college one of my best friends, a curvy Greek girl with big curly hair and the fashion sense of an 18th century pin up, bedded Ralph Fiennes. I remember the text I got at like 7am: "I FUCKED VOLDEMORT AND IT WAS GLORIOUS." Apparently he enjoys Brazillian dancing and overpriced drinks in NYC, as well as charismatic…

But did Jack White look good in the sundress?