Police in my town once arrested a bunch of volunteers distributing homemade sandwiches in a small park to our sizeable homeless population. I believe the trumped up charge was somehow related to lack of food safety inspection. You know, because the city is just so very worried that those coping with the greatest…

That’s some bullshit peer pressure, I’m so sorry that happened. 6th graders should totally still go trick or treating. 6th graders are only 11 years old - that’s still a kid!

Me to my 10 year old daughter: “Hey, do you know who JoJo Siwa is?”

So, did she get paid to be in the audience? Is this a legitimate way to make some extra cash in L.A.? Because that would certainly explain how they find so many people to be in the studio audience of stupid, weird and/or new shows. I always thought they were tourists but I’ve always wondered how many tourists they had…

The next time some guy asks a stay-at-home mom what they do all day, show him this list. And if the mom in question works outside the home, be sure to add that, as well. 

100% sure this guy refers to his time with the kids as “babysitting.”

My thoughts exactly! This is the most California person I’ve encountered in a long time. The fact that she hasn’t lived in California for more than two months is a travesty. We need to start a GoFundMe page to get her back where she belongs!

Husband also once at a square of suet embedded with seeds that was for the birdfeeder. He thought it was some kind of fig bar. 

Husband saw a glob of what he thought were Grape-Nuts on the floor. Picked it up, ate it, and had immediate regrets.

I got a new cookbook for Christmas and decided to make crab cakes. I’d never made anything with crab before. I lovingly crafted them to the letter of the very complicated recipe, fried them up and served them to my husband.

I gasped at this, too, before seeing the ‘c’ in “scale”.

Bought a copy of this in the Williams College bookstore in 1987, which I always assumed meant that it was assigned reading for what must have been a great class. No illustrations, but it’s still a super hot read. It’s still in my nightstand, but I haven’t looked at it in years - thanks for the inspiration to find and…

I can’t believe he found someone to marry him. As my grandmother always said, there’s a lid for every pot, I guess.

Agreed. He’s almost attractive and nearly unrecognizable with that beard.

I got it!

Ellie, you and Drew Magary are not just my favorite writers around here, you are two of my favorite writers, period. Delighted to see your work again, and looking forward to the same from Drew.

No king cake or king cake-like items until January 6, please. Have some dignity, people!

Peacock is definitely Donny Osmond, though at first I thought it was Rick Springfield. Some are making compelling arguments for the Peacock being Corey Feldman, though.

The lion is one of the Kardashians.

Ash Wednesday is the worst. Day after Mardi Gras - everybody’s hungover, has smudgy ashes on their foreheads, and you can’t have any meat for the next 40 days. Blech.