OH MY GOD I’M STEALING THIS

You are a fucking genius.

You can pry “The Communists are in the funhouse” from my cold dead hands

I BELIEVE.

i feel like ‘just birthing a child’ qualifies as a good flats excuse

I just typed an almost identical sentiment.

I heard the bear lost 50 pounds and got waxed and will be in the next Woody Allen movie.

I thought it was a “she won’t actually be there after he announced her name” ...I was honestly shocked she walked out

I seriously said, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” out loud, to myself when she showed up. I didn’t believe it was really her.

I’m 100% sure she did not get the joke.

While I agree that human and financial resources may be better spent elsewhere in the medical field, I take exception to the suggestion that “boob cancer” is trivial.

...or allowed to disintegrate...

I read your comment as just sorrow for the deceased as most organ donations happen that way so don’t feel dumb!

Yes. They’re trained to say, “We’ve decided to go another way with this character.” And then you’re out the door.

I’m a southerner. That was a perfectly executed “bless your heart,” 10/10 would bless.

Seriously. If it was black men shooting up the place every week or so there would actually be some action.

Yes, my sis-in-law is a family attorney and she deals with stuff like this all the time. Situations range from completely amicable to must-look-at-puppies-now depressing.

Carrie always was the fucking worst.

I will fully welcome our future ape overlords once they defeat Trump.

I think your mom’s movie reviews need to be a regular thing on here.