I am not interested in seeing Cthulhu's baby pictures.

Drew Magary: [walks the fuck right into the side of that car because some asshole won't get out of his way]

I suspect it won't last a year.

This is interesting. So I actually played against him in the 8th grade. I was on some nondescript suburban middle school team, similar to him. When we played against them in a tournament, the very one mentioned in the article at Mentor College, we knew that he was Dell Curry's kid, who was on the Raptors at the time.…

Holy Shit, he's Ma Gorg.

Alright jackass I'm AED, CPR, and first aid certified and have to deal with idiots like you who think they don't have to listen to me when I give them instructions. Tell you what, next time you're at a mall or outlet center like I work at and there's an emergency or an accident involving your car call the police and…

Years ago I ordered I chocolate milkshake at McDonald's, and they gave me vanilla. I asked for a new shake, only to have the counter person insist, increasingly angrily, that it was a chocolate milkshake and I was just crazy. I kept pointing out that it was solid white and had no chocolate flavor; she kept rolling her…

As a Californian, I only eat free range linguinis grown in our offshore Linguini farms.

The funny thing is, I can't even remember how I ended the conversation. It confused me to the point where my memory stopped working or something. I think we ended up with "Green, it tastes green."

I loathed getting alcoholic coffee drinks when I worked at a restaurant that served them. We'd have to prep the coffee and set it on the end of bar, then wait for the bartender to mix and garnish it. Since she was always slammed with her own customers, half the time the coffee would get cold before she got to it and…

Ugh, I hate the people who are just impossible to explain anything to. I had a conversation about pesto this week that went like this:

Ugh, some of these employees have so much attitude. If you're unwilling to do things just because they're logically impossible, maybe customer service isn't for you.

"Rip out your eyeballs and disconnect your brain, because First Take is coming up next!"

I appreciate Greg standing up for his son, but maybe he should let his cousin Dave handle the spicy stuff.

That's pretty much every marathon I've ever run.

pulls on +1 lever

Walker, Ex's Anger.

it would be nice to be able to dictate what other people thought about their own lives, but we can't do it, so we might as well engage them as best we can. THAT'S MY ETHOS, good night.

Hi! I'm the friendly, honest car salesman that you claim doesn't exist. I assure you that I am a real, sentient human being. This is what many people don't understand about car shopping in the internet age: 99.9% of the time, that advertised internet price is firm and the best available deal. If I *could* go any…