That’s a real horror story right there.

How sad to be living in a house haunted by your fleeting flame from 2008.

If you’re gonna do caramel apples, do it right: fresh with hot caramel. Hot gooey caramel, all sexy-like.

I’ve already eaten one prepackaged caramel apple this season, and I guarantee it won’t be the last. Fuck it.

And what was so special about “the fifth step”?

Can we send him to the same island as Raven Symondrea?

“Word on the street is I’m not his favorite person.”

Knowing Michigan this is probably just a faked gay love triangle shovel beating, intended to cover up a straight love triangle shovel beating.

His wife held him back from further injuring his boyfriend, whom he assaulted and shouted homophobic slurs at...?

And to think I wanted to suck his dick at one point in my life.

I think this just about covers it.

Hay? I remember moss being glued to a wall but not hay. I remember thinking I’d only do that show if they guaranteed me Vern Yip as the designer of my room.

Some people just need to be removed from the gene pool.

Did the girl look like this.

I was specifically thinking of that when I wrote that editor’s note.

Sounds like it’s actually the husband here, which is still creepy...maybe even creepier.

Shit, is it NOT pronounced that way? I’ve only ever read it aloud in my own head, and I always pronounce the accent.

I worked with a girl in Yosemite who’s job back in New Orleans was to berate customers at the “complaint desk” of a restaurant there.

I am glad she got caught. She’s a monster. I wasn’t trying to excuse her behavior, just explain a dangerous mindset. You have supported that with ‘husband that provided FOR her’. Again indicating an example of exactly what I said—too many women are taught that they have no value other than their sex.

*prints résumé*