Carmelo just figured out how he can get his first ever assist.

And if you're wondering about those parents who are afraid to fly, John Calipari has already bought all of them cars.

"I was Tom Friedman, basically."

Also, the jury awarded the family of Marvin Gaye $7.5M because they determined the words "Super Bowl" were plagiarized from "Got To Give It Up".

So Seth Davis's parents are 1) a guy who does PR for despotic regimes and 2) a lady who sells homeopathic "remedies" for cancer?

Mary Steenburgen runs the 76ers?

Actually I'm surprised no one in Brooklyn has come up with a hipster Chuck E Cheese with artisinal pizzas and, I don't know, expensive wooden toys from Germany.

I had to read this three times before it hit me that ballparking was not a sexual technique you needed to work on.

"As a palate cleanser for the last two weeks, please enjoy some stories of terrible customers receiving their just rewards."

I guess Russell Wilson wasn't the only person who didn't realize that someone in a Marshawn Lynch jersey was right behind them.

This is Adequate Man, not I Spent $500 On Snow Tires And Probably Also Didn't Use Underwear As A Washcloth This Morning Man.