Equally important: Drew Magary, USC quarterback.

America truly is a great country. The Deadspin staff’s new ambition is for Tomi Lahren to disembowel us.

Can’t

Wish I had something more clever to say, but a simple “Man, fuck this guy” will have to suffice.

Man. Fuck this guy.

Hope he was kidding around. Because otherwise a guy who has made $65M playing a game, and is guaranteed nearly three times that over the next few years, just tried to tell a kid he didn’t deserve any more than he already had due to the presumed circumstances of his birth.

Leading Red Gives Message to America’s Children: “Get Cancer”

I assumed the kid in question was Zack Hample.

Seems...unnecessarily dickish. I mean say “sorry kid”, sure, but it’s hardly the kid’s fault. Would be a better story if Votto then went and found some kid in the bleachers and gave them the gloves or something.

Starting it off early this year.

This has gotta be tough for Yankees fans. I mean, first the Cowboys and Lakers, now this?

you’re a bad opinion

Bartolo Colon is the only true and righteous sportsman on the planet.

See this is why no one likes Cards fans

I guess Rapist Sasquatch is an early favorite for Worst Mascot in the next Deadspin Awards.

Mets beat the Yankees in the 2000 World Series. Not even close.

This type of response is why these posts exist. Go beat your kids some more.

What happens if the Cubs turn into a relatively hot team and win three pennants over the next five years? The Cubs’ ENTIRE IDENTITY is that drought. They’re lovable, quixotic triers. Winning three championships in quick succession would destroy their loser-cred. How would that team and fan base manage the change?

Hey look! No spoilers in the title! What a novel idea

For once the Browns won’t even have to draft a quarterback to guarantee themselves a bunch of picks.

Still don’t know what started this. Still don’t ever want this to end.