Even the tiniest tiny violin DGAF.

But what about the crew from the Broncos-Pats game on Sunday? According to Tom Brady and backed by the venerable Skip Bayless, that was one of the worst officiated games in the history of the NFL. That is the only way the Patriots could have lost that game.

You see, the problem is the fact that they’re not full-time NFL employees. On Tuesday, most go back to their regular jobs as pharmaceutical test subjects or guys who shoot birds at the airport.

Wait, wait...Patriots fans think ESPN has an anti-Patriots bias???

Okay, yes, a 7-foot-3 rookie averaging 12 points and eight rebounds through the first 12 games of his career isn’t the wildest thing to ever happen.

Just change Europe to USA and Muslims to Irish and you could easily imagine this comment is from 1840.

THE FOOTBALL PLAYER’S CAN NOW GO BACK TO DOING THEY’RE JOB WHICH ISN”T A JOB BECAUSE THEIR STUDENT’S FIRST BUT THEY GET PAYED WITH A SCHOLARSHIP, IF THEY DON’T LIKE IT THEY SHOULDN”T OF TAKEN THE JOB WAIT NOT JOB, THEIR EASILY REPLACED BUT IM UPSET AT THE IDEA OF LOSING THEM FOR SOME RASON.

“Cortana, how did I do on that last play?”

Remember kids: Black Lives Matter is a bunch of whiners who are looking for reasons to be offended. The real oppression is a lack of Christmas iconography on your coffee cups.

Eh, we had a nice run. It always felt like we were playing with house money.

Never start a hot take with “as a Pats fan” - the whole world knows what is coming next.

Cheer up Bills fans. Just because Harvin is retiring from professional football doesn’t mean he can’t keep playing for the Bills.

Yoenis Cespedes and Jose Bautista would make a great President and Vice-President. Could they govern effectively? HELL NO! Would they be any worse than whichever one of these hamburgers actually gets elected? MAYBE! And, besides, when shit goes sideways, they could just have a home run derby. If we learned anything…

Pretty sure Bin Laden destroyed baseball by introducing “God Bless America” into the 7th inning stretch.

My daily fantasy consists of both of these companies going away.

Did he get a big hit in a game, or did he separate his shoulders swatting away the villagers’ torches and pitchforks?

It looks like Philbin was able to resolve that issue at practice. Tannehill looked a lot more comfortable getting intercepted during the game.

That take was so strong, it could bench 450 and squat 750.