I will volunteer as tribute. Dibs on being Tiffany.

Knowing he’s been hearing himself described as fat and old everywhere is one tiny gleam of light.

Indeed. It’s like a jerk census.  The Venn diagram of Trump voters and colossal assholes is just one circle.

He must not have gotten the memo - there’s no inheritance coming. Whatever the creditors don’t seize, uncle Sam will. They should be grabbing whatever isn’t nailed down and booking a one way ticket to a non-extraditing country.

Trump’s artificial stamina will be flattening as he withdraws from the dexamethasone steroid (6 times as powerful as prednisone) that propelled him into his joyride. Either that or he’ll stay pumped up on a very dangerous drug and get crazier by the minute.

Also, the media has been pointing out that he’s obese every 15 minutes for the past 72 hours.  There’s no way Trump would consent to a plan that involved the media talking about how old and fat he was so often for days on end.

Team Mitch over here.

The only thing that would make this better would be Bill Barr. 

If Jezebel brings back the “Hero Teen” tagline, please give it to Claudia Conway. She single-handedly stopped Kellyanne from being on cable news interviews, and I couldn’t be happier about that. 

Thank you for putting my feelings into words. If I see another “what’s wrong with everyone, we shouldn’t wish ill will on anyone or we’re no better than they are” post, I’m gonna fucking SCREAM. This man is a bigot directly responsible for over 200,000 US deaths. I hope he suffers greatly.

Although, to be fair, I don’t…

CNN just said it was the highest possible does of Regeneron too.

I hope she didn’t have any idea how bad Trump’s finances were before she married him. Apart from prison, I can’t imagine a more painful punishment for her than realizing she’s the trophy wife of a repellent broke dude.

May he live so that he can see himself get destroyed in the election and turned on by all of the Republicans, while him and his family and henchmen are all prosecuted and jailed and end up destitute. Won’t be upset if he struggles to breathe for the rest of his life, though.

I am (pleasantly?) surprised she wasn’t straight-up run off the platform for being average looking, and clearly a 35 year old trying to masquerade as a “young.”

This year was already horrible and terrifying as it was, now this. I gotta be honest, as a half-mexican member of the LGBT community, I’ve been terrified since 2016, and now? I feel like all hope is dead. 

She should have retired during Obama’s second administration. That entire administration has effectively been erased at this point.

I am just going to say this but she should have retired in 2014 when the Dems still held the Senate and she knew she had end stage pancreatic cancer. She was an icon but that doesn’t mean she didn’t fuck us totally by not stepping down. 

Thank goodness for your mom.

I’m related to someone who regularly follows this approach minus shelling out $600 to a celebrity’s daughter. You don’t need to do that.

I’m a UW alum and have friends who worked with her and one whose younger sibling took a class with her. Her academics are unimpressive - University of Central Florida and master’s from Wake Forest. UW-Madison has desperately been trying to diversity their faculty while admitting that they don’t have a lot of…