Right? I would be having all the creamy pastas, lasagna, rich cheeses, eggs and vegetables with Hollandaise and beurre blanc... wine, beer, cocktails...

Jason Segel gained 40 lbs. by eating two Hot Pockets every three hours, i.e. THE JEZEBEL SPECIAL.

If I ate nothing but hot pockets it would be a different kind of agony. My body doesn’t allow me to expel the things that irritate my bowels, and instead just keeps it inside aching and aching with stabbing pains for 24 hours. My body is a dick.

Seriously. If you need to gain and are rich why not eat a pound of chocolates a day and drink wine? Or triple cream cheese? Or milkshakes?

This is a real phenomenon: craving something and then discovering after you obtain it that it’s actually gross. It was gross all along. The craving was a lie!!

“I’ll be honest with you, I’ve had a black guy call me a honkey and I’ve also been told that white people smell like bologna.” -Brooke Hogan, 2015

I’ll be honest with you, Brooke, some white guys called me a nigger bitch and told me the non-consensual things they wanted to do to me.

I feel like someone who fake tans as much as Brooke Hogan probably does smell a little like lunch meat...sorry Baloney Hoagie.

Re: Hot Pockets/Jason Segel

Like bologna? I thought we smelled like mayo.

The last black man to call somebody Honkey was George Jefferson.

Jason Segel! I disapprove! That is an unambitious way to gain 40 lbs. The first is beer. The second is takeout. The third is when you live next to 7-11 and love taquitos at 3 a.m. Let me teach you my ways.

I respect the fact that she's so open about getting surgery.

She’s wearing a grill!? Jeez. Can’t even say her name because I love Iggy Pop too much.

“Then Kanye and I both reached a place where he would say really nice things about my music and what I’ve accomplished, and I could ask him how his kid’s doing...”

I’m surprised Brooke Hogan didn’t mention that a black guy once called her a cracker as well since she’s going for the “Black people called me derogatory things so it’s ok for daddy to call them N words”. not how it works

Iggy, having your face look like Saran Wrap pulled taut over a Tupperware bowl of month-old spoiled chicken livers makes it hard to look at you without laughing.

I just learned about the whole Ed Droste (Grizzly Bear) twitter hate against Taylor and I have to say, I am a little obsessed. He says he has stories about her and I am SO curious what they are especially that he is B F’s with Solange.

As someone who has had plastic surgery, I find everything she said to be 100% true. Cosmetic surgery is an emotional journey. Teens should wait until their faces are fully formed and until they have a better sense of self and what they want. It’s foolish to deny having had cosmetic surgery, and making changes is not…

Jason Segel gained 40 lbs. by eating two Hot Pockets every three hours, i.e. THE JEZEBEL SPECIAL.