I’m sorry your country is a violent and corrupt shithole but being stupid on the internet isn’t going to change that.

Nope. Missing the point.

Yup. Rio, where the cops aren’t even competent enough to handle basic street crime, and are in fact oftentimes the criminals themselves, but hey, we caught a couple of moron dudebros acting like dudebros and lying about it, let’s pat ourselves on the back for our wicked skillz while drug gangs continue lobbing…

Nevermind the actual crime that is happening in Rio. How about the actual crime in Brazil’s government? I’m sure the Brazilian government is fucking LOVING this distraction, and people obsessed with some moron dudebro swimmer acting like a moron dudebro swimmer are the sheeple enabling it.

Bring embarrassment? What embarrassment? Rio is violent and corrupt, no matter what noises come out of Ryan Lochte’s dumbass mouth.

Well that is basically true. Some Australian swimmers were just robbed. And the cops and government in general in Brazil is crooked as shit.

I don’t know what Lochte’s thinking, but I’m sure the other three are thinking, “FUCK Ryan Lochte!” If he weren’t such an idiot they’d be home by now.

So many things he could’ve done differently. Could’ve immediately called his mom when she started blabbing and been like “Yo mom don’t narc on me, I’ll explain later.” Brazil doesn’t get embarrassed by the incident, it’s all a misunderstanding, oh Ryan Lochte what a character.

To be fair, he probably didn’t expect his mom to narc on him.

Like it’s beyond the pale that they were robbed by crooked cops in Brazil.

So Lochte will probably be fine career wise. Worst case scenario, he gets a ban from USA Swimming, but he’s 32 anyway and this was probably his last hurrah. He probably gets a slap on the wrist from them though since he is one of their greatest swimmers ever. The rest are probably expendable.

I mean, who hasn’t pissed in public while drunk? I remember as a freshman in college I used to piss in the bushes with my friends in between parties.

I’m not saying that assholes, American or otherwise, should be allowed to go to a foreign country and vandalize shit and lie about it, but damn, for international news this is hella unimportant and uninteresting. Like, I’m not gonna defend Lochte, and I know why it’s news (Olympics + everyone on edge about Rio + Ryan…

But really, how dumb do you have to be to concoct an implausible story about getting robbed in Rio?

Lochte is somehow the smartest one for peacing out before the shit hit the fan. Either that or his handlers are used to his bullshit and adept at getting his ass out of trouble.

Really it’s just pidgin spanish.

It’s weird because there’s a lot of mutual intelligibility, but it’s easier for Portuguese speakers to understand Spanish than vice versa.

It is, of course, absolutely unheard of for someone to speak something other than the official language. And every Brazilian I knew growing up (in Miami) spoke Spanish in addition to Portuguese. And the small matter of Brazil bordering Spanish speaking countries. But yes, your average Brazilian mugger would probably…