I can’t believe I am saying this but - thank god for corporations.

I don’t want to be held responsible for the sins of my own siblings much less my inlaws.

As a Seahawks fan, eh. As someone who has Cowboy fan co-workers where this will be like a dick/muff punch each time I remind them of this leading up to the Super Bowl? Glorious. The whole week will be glorious.

I feel sorry for your pets.

What I hate about PUBG, that has somewhat stopped me from enjoying it, is the lower graphics settings. In a competetive game like this, it really bothers me that you can lower the graphics to the point where it gives you a tactical advantage. For instance, you play on the higher settings, you’re running in a field…

Lauren, send some Deadspin staffers to do some investigative journalism. Pull the fire alarm and see if he makes it out on foot.

My only issue with the shirt is the damn hashtag. Must EVERYTHING have a hashtag on it?

“I have zero memory of Keith Null existing.”

Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na...

I mean, probably.

What “commonly held side” are you talking about? This is a bold new frontier of intellectual property law.

And a cartoon father of 2.

One test I use to see if a car is appropriate is whether or not St. Peter would piss his pants laughing when it blows through the pearly gates backwards and on fire.

Cardinals GM: [dials up Astros GM] Looks like we have to send you a couple of draft picks, do you want to make those selections yourself or should we just work off the list that we have?

Travis Kelce does elaborate dances after touchdowns, makes jerking off motions toward refs on the field, gets a stupid unsportsmanlike conduct penalty after dropping an important pass in a playoff game, and has his own reality show in which women compete for the chance to date him. Yet somehow he doesn’t get half the…

So I am going to give the answer here. No comedy because I cannot live up to anything already said by other posters. I am in tears because of them. My guts hurt.

No judgment. I was just saying.

Clicks = $$$