Right? I just...I read the whole thing and I thought, "Wow, these people exist! They're out there! They are putting this piece out into the world without any apparent trace of irony." And then I sat for awhile by myself in the dark and tried not to weep hot salty tears because cartoon birds will never braid my hair…

When I was in high school my dad got a phone call from his long lost high school sweetheart. They had been engaged briefly. The very first question he asked her was "So, did you get fat?".

So have we, collectively, forgiven Eminem for his decades of misogyny and homophobia? Because I sure as hell haven't. People really need to start inviting me to the meetings where these decisions are made...

I usually have very little tolerance for the constant FB posting of those someecards, but this one legitimately made me lol the first time I saw it. Because, truth.

I'm stunned to learn that a man who previously made a living selling drugs in his own community irrespective of the misery it caused has not shifted his paradigm under the scrutiny of that same community. STUNNED.

Barney's staff is notoriously snotty and rude to EVERYONE who doesn't look super-rich.

House Negro much! I pity folks that look up to him and his Mrs.

I just roll my eyes at black people who expect shit from Jay-Z. Jay- Z likes money above all things. The president of Barneys could come out tomorrow and say " fuck all these blackies and I don't want their dirty dark skin in my store, because they are criminals and savages" and Jay Z would call his accountant and say…

Bachelorette parties are just the tip of the iceberg for these types of wealthy, self-centered people-getting-married. Engagement parties (one in the town where they live, one in their parents' town, and one in the town where the other person's parents live), bachelorette parties (one in Vegas, one in town where they…

Favorite moment: when Fitz absently put his hand on Mellie's to reassure her, and you could see this FLOOD of emotion washing over her before she came to, snatched it back, and stomped off. Loved it.

Just get one of those novelty wine glasses that fits an entire bottle of wine, and wear a really nice trench coat. Randomly, take out your cell phone and pretend you are talking to someone - always ask them the same question three times.

An amazing suit and a massive glass of red wine?

An impeccably tailored cream outfit, a very large glass of red wine, and a thickset scruffy guy with a crewcut and distressed scowl discretely keeping an eye on you from the shadows.

I'm a photographer and one of our clients recently wore a rockin' blue dress, white cardigan and big, white necklace. My partner and I complimented her on her outfit choice and she said: 'I was inspired by Scandal. I read an article about white being Olivia's power color.'

Oh, you're going to need a lot of cream and ecru and a hair flip. DO IT. You'll have to walk and talk fast and interrupt yourself to repeat what you just said but with different emphases and intonations - Repeat? What you just said with DIFferent emphases and intonations.

Are you able to cry on command?

A grey suit, cream coat, Prada purse, and a big, big glass of red wine!!

A cream colored impeccably tailored pantsuit.

A white hat? ;)

A fabulous white coat, of course