I’m going to rant to anonymous people on the internet because I can’t, presently, rant to anyone I know. My brother in law and his girlfriend have gotten themselves pregnant. It’s too early to tell people that aren’t immediate family, hence the anonymous rant.  

It was not intentional. She was getting birth control…

I did NOT attend a 2 yo’s B-day party. I belong to a group for random socializing (lunches, walks, etc). A year after I joined 2 members had babies. Now there are 6 babies.  So many baby activities now.  I am super done with little kid stuff (my kids are 17 and 20).

Ugh - I get you, fam. We cut off my husband’s entire side (they are of the “faaaaaaambly” variety, and intensely, viciously toxic) and most of my fam knows I’m married (and have been for over 3 years at this point) but has fortunately never met my husband, because they’re similarly horrible. The stories I could…

What are you guys watching? I can’t seem to find a regular show I can watch at the gym, since I’ve exhausted everything somewhat interesting.

I had to see my wretched family members today. A highly toxic gang, all revolving around my viciously narcissistic mother. My sister is treacherous, villainous, snide, and I hated being around her. I’ll tell you a secret: my doctor prescribed Klonopin specifically for the times where I have to see family members. It…

Everyone usually speaks about the things they are doing, what things you are not doing today?

That is one cute baby!

I am so very sorry. My dogs are like children to me (and I have 3 of those too). 

Just put my dog down and I'm a mess. 

I... (and I NEVER say this)... would kill that little skrelli with kindness. Publically.

I am training my replacement at work.

a couple of things:

Y’all. Y’all. Two words to change your life: Pesto popcorn.

Hi Jezzies! I’ve missed you the past few weeks. Had some family issues (we’re all fine) and was pretty down about my high school closing. But things are all settling back to normal now.

I’ve been in my new house for a week now and living alone is the fucking best. I don’t think I’ve closed the bathroom door once. And I baked a huge wedding dessert order in my own kitchen when I damn well felt like it (no more scheduling kitchen time).

I’m so glad she publicly stated why she was not going on tour. So many celebs make it look like having a baby is nbd. Even with money for support like postpartum doulas, night nurses, nannies and/or having helpful family around, it doesn’t make having a baby magically easier. I mean it does a little, but there are…

The most surprising thing to me about parenthood is that every single thing that anyone ever told me about it was completely true. It is exhausting mentally and emotionally in ways I did not expect. The physical recovery alone took me 6 months.

Solidarity with Cardi. When I was pregnant with my first, my husband and I had this beautiful vision that we would take our baby on a backpacking trip. Pretty much an hour after the birth we were both like, “WTF were we even thinking with that shit!?”

Cake is eaten with a fork, not a spoon.

these are super rich ass people, maybe she baked the cake, took a pic of it, then stuffed it in a gold and diamond crusted cooler and strapped it to the back of flying monkeys who delivered it to Selena Gomez in short order.