Thank you. This is the equivalent of a guy on the train sitting next to you and bitching about how the government is bugging everyone's brain.

Lets not forget that this is a hedge fund founder yapping out his ass about science, medicine and government.

Um, that picture with Chris Pratt and Chris Evans and that adorbs baby??

umm fuck no

I rear ended a woman because we were waiting for people to go across a cross walk and another woman slammed into me at 45 mph because she wasn't paying attention. While I agree that most rear end collisions are the fault of the driver and it seems like it in this case, that wasn't the case in my own collision and, I'm…

In five years or so, Perry and Swift are going to finally realize that they are actually in love with each other, get married, and live happily ever after. And they'll get matching restraining orders against Mayer as wedding presents to each other. Calling it now.

Ugh, this Jenner story is so triggering. My mother's killer (19 year old, speeding and texting, hit her head on) was just sentenced on Wednesday. A couple of fines and three years probation for hitting her car so hard that her steering wheel bent around her after it went through her and into her seat back. But he's…

::dry heaves because of her hysterical crying::

For fuck's sake. Now the speculation about Bruce's appearance is killing people.

it was literally ten billion dollars.

literally everything i know about you is flawless and baller and amazing and i am a huge fan.

Ok, as a Mexican, I have to say, it looks disgusting but it's not bad tasting... It's basically mushrooms.

A booger picked from someone's boyfriend's nose, for $100, and a tragicomically misguided sense of pride and honour. I was 18 and.... not sober.

When I was in 3rd grade, I had a snack size bag of Doritos. Halfway through the back, i bit down on something wet and entirely unlike a Dorito. It was in the middle of a movie in a pitch black classroom. I was horrified. I threw the bag away and was never able to examine the wet lumpy whatever-the-fuck I had bitten…

I met Joan Rivers when I was working on a show in Scotland for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, where she also had a show. She came and saw the show I was working on and wanted to come backstage to meet the actresses. She introduced herself and was probably the most polite and friendly celebrity I've ever met.

i have ten years on malia but i wanna be friends w her. i could be her cool/uncool aunt. or something.

Malia approaching college-aged makes me feel this old. Especially when I see stuff like this from the 2008 campaign:

a future Beyonce or President

re: polkadot shade
who the fuck notices this kind of stupid shit?

My friend is making us get J Crew bridesmaid dresses, which are TWICE as much as my wedding dress for my own wedding.