Chriss cross because he can’t jump jump.

Dudley is the fat old guy at the Y who doesn’t realize he’s fucking terrible at basketball.

I’m a grad student at Loyola and an alum of Xavier. I can say with the utmost confidence that the nuns are the secret weapons. Sister Rose at X and Sister Jean and LUC are both inspirations to their respective teams and schools and beloved because of who they are.

I saw the postgame interview with her. What a sweetheart, I hope I’m as awesome as she is when I’m pushing the century mark.

Holy goodness, we all need two scoops of Sister Jean these days. What a glorious lady.

Tennis is the one sport I never played as a kid that I actually enjoy watching. But damn, I would love a tournament that freely allowed, and encouraged, hecklers.

My bet is on a broken neck from an unsuccessful auto-fellating attempt.

Felger will die from a heart attack while having sex in the missionary position.