I have hand warmers that I use during football season, and that package is completely covered in warnings. It doesn't specifically say to not put them on your tits, but should it have to?

Woah, wait. First of all this is a life skills class for "children with intellectual and some physical disabilities," not 8th grade homeroom. And it was in front of two other girls in the same class, who presumably were learning how to shave as well.

Oh. Wow. Ok. I didn't realize I was talking to someone with a defibrillator. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have assumed.

Or, you know, otters that look like Benedict Cumberbatch hating liquids.

Found on Twitter... (the mis-use of "betrothed" is really bothering me but the rest is spot-on)

Unfortunately, the mascot is relevant here regardless of whether you'd personally prefer it wasn't. Context is real.

For those keeping score at home that's a total of 100 problems for Jay now.

Some people forget how much Freedom the soldiers harvest for us. When they head off to foreign nations that have no means to attack us or change our laws, they're actually harvesting massive quantities of Freedom which we all need to thank them for, every day actually. The giant tanker ships full of Freedom come at…

If you can't tell the difference between a piece of literature and an invasion of someone's privacy, then there really isn't any point in me arguing with you. Show me a piece of literature whose sole purpose is to divulge personal information without the consent of participants and I will take back what I said. Until…

This comment is deeply offensive to Spambot Americans.

Not saying the boob grab was or was not on purpose, but if you're going to grab someone from behind on any part of their body you'd better expect to get hit. That's like sneaking up on someone in a dark house.

Fuck that. So much effort. I'd prefer to just be rolled in wearing my ballgown on a standing gurney, Hannibal Lecter style.

I actually worked for them briefly, and it was a surreal experience. I'd just returned to the U.S. from an Indian ashram and needed a temp job, and I think that made it worse. They were all "we use this like, cool yoga term 'astaya' to refer to our corporate loss prevention policy" and I was all "that's...not what…

Reasons this could impact Hillary's decision to run for president:

If it's good enough for cats, it's good enough for people!

Team weed and team champagne but not team mixing the two because that is team Zap is black out drunk singing Ginuwine.

Dear Vodka,

Ohhh I just talked about this in another comment. I won't cut and paste for you though (even though I am really really tired!) Keep in mind that she was a teenager at the time. One who lived in what I'm guessing is a pretty strict or even repressive household. I'm betting access to transportation probably was a major…

or batman ones. they go with everything.