Also, a friend of mine has a theory about the afterlife. In his version, after you die, you are placed inside a phone booth. Into it is poured every drop of beer that you have ever wasted in your life. If the level rises above your nose, you go to hell.

As a middle-aged man with a relatively happy house hold - nice wife, children still in the house, my life has lost a lot of its excitement. My kids are great and all - love taking the daughter out to her soccer games and even to the mall. My son, however, is a different story. Always holed up in the house, no…

WHY IS EVERYONE RECOMMENDING THIS

A big-four professional athlete shits himself during a game. The TV cameras catch it and everything. Every blog, sports show and magazine is running photos and videos of the player's uncomfortable facial expression as he shits himself, right there on the field/court/rink.

How often do you finish peeing and close up shop only for your dick to declare "HEY JUST KIDDING NOT DONE" and send a small stream of urine down your leg? Please tell me I'm not the only one. It sucks.

Yeah but when Olbermann was making those goofy catchphrases, there were actual highlights of sports being shown in the background. That's the difference. Before Capital Cities bought ESPN, you'd get 20 uninterrupted minutes of highlights at the beginning of SportsCenter. And then it got fragmented and fragmented…

ESPN's Golden Age was whenever you were 15 years old.