The onions should be white

“Officials at the university estimate that it’ll cost about $3,000 to exhume and rebury each body, at a total cost of $21 million. The university is now considering an alternative plan in which it’ll do the work in-house, at a cost of $400,000 per year over the course of eight years.”

Now this is my kind of lifehack!

Generally speaking, over mixing is a problem with baked goods that contain wheat flour. If you over mix, you risk over-developing the gluten, which will make cakes and cake-like baked goods chewy/tough.

Or, you know, just eat it cold for breakfast like civilized people do.

Not really, ACLU actually provides value.

Only psychopaths find it hilarious that people see the evil that is in the world. Just sayin’.

Yep, the complete unraveling of common sense and decency in this country is hilarious. Good call!

Calm down snowflake.

You have to make a rack of wine glasses.

I did this once with a quarter. Came back and I had two dimes and a nickel. What does this mean?

I’ve been licking airplane armrests for years and haven’t gotten sick yet.

• Type of operating system

Here’s how it looks in real life.

You missed the fact that the U.S. isn’t the center of the goddamn universe and just because things aren’t fantastic in your neck of the woods doesn’t mean the world is ending.

“I would rather be thrown clear.” — many idiots

My friend’s uncle’s cousin’s girlfriend was killed by a seat belt.

If you don’t wear a seat-belt while riding in an aluminum tube traveling through the atmosphere at 550MPH, you are f’ing stupid.

“Anybody you’d like to nominate?”

This is a cry for a bidding war between handset manufcsturers to pay her a ton of money. She frames it extraordinarily well.