and everybody gets to be a slayer? like right now? It was supposed to be the CHOSEN ONE, not the chosen few hundred/thousand/every girl is a badass vampire killer.

I had to tell my supervisor about a booger once... I was like “um, I can’t talk to you right now, you have a bat in the cave and it’s staring at me”

and lipstick... gotta tell people when their teeth are covered in lipstick.

she went to the game dressed as the net. LMAO (I’ll see myself out)

My dad is having a harder time coming to grips with it that she did. He’ll never admit that he’s anything but lily white.
I’m like “ummmm her maiden name is Calderon, what did you think?” {I suspect she’s more than half Mexican}

“vids or it didn’t happen” is the new police procedure.

my grandmother is in her late 70s and has just in the past 5-10 years started admitting that she’s half Mexican... Her dad always taught her and her siblings that part of their nationality was a secret.

if you find it, can you link it? please?????

John Mayer... okay dude. I mean I was planning on just wearing leggings for the rest of my life, but since you said it’s okay, I feel much better about my choices.

my guess is less.

maybe they’re talking multi stall vs single seats? Why does it have to be such a big deal? Just let the kid pee!!

#kellyanneforprison

there is a bacon ranch one... OF COURSE there’s a bacon ranch one.

or ketchup... wait. is there a ketchup one?

this makes me unreasonably sad... we’ve really reached the epitome of laziness if we need our tuna pre-flavored.

There is flavored tuna?

I was part of the great ungreying a couple months back... I don’t know why I was let out of the dungeon, but I’m glad I was.

Dear Trump Family~

THANK YOU! I’m so tired of the #FreeMelania nonsense. She might not be happy in her relationship, but she’s not some trapped victim either.

why not both?