She’s not the first lady-elect. First lady to be, fine. First lady elect, no.

Yes he can either refuse or resign. 3 U.S. Code § 20: “The only evidence of a refusal to accept, or of a resignation of the office of President or Vice President, shall be an instrument in writing, declaring the same, and subscribed by the person refusing to accept or resigning, as the case may be, and delivered…

Possible liability issue there, if the drink was already tainted before being turned over to the bartender for safekeeping.