Exactly.

Boats? BOTES!

I once paid $150 for a Dallas Creamer. Same night, I spent $10 at Qdoba and ended up with Taco Dibbets.

Fucking white people

Isn’t the whole point of big corporations so thousands of people can fuck around all day and still get a paycheck so they can buy houses and eat and shit?

Blackout glasses

I realize how much of an entitled shit I’ve become when I get pissed that I can’t get something on streaming.

He got a fucking tooth knocked out. You can embellish that shit.

I don’t like it when my entertainment is too showoffy and entertaining.

There once was a man who said: “Stop spending more money than you make!”

Like below the seat, man.

Another fun story is in the 80s when NHL refs were told to speed up the game coming out of TV breaks, she was told to stall them so they’d get the puck drop. Previous guys argued to wait, but it didn’t work. So she put a sixer in front of the refs’ locker room before the game. Miraculously, TV got an extra 10-20…

“+1" -Derek Jeter

Man beat me to it. Was gonna say that Jeets only ever had hardwood floors, so he can relate.

My mom worked with the Pirates announce crew for a while.

If you have the financial ability and discipline, you should absolutely take the longer-term interest-free loan. I’d also argue that making additional payments on the car isn’t even a good idea. You’re better off paying down other debt that does carry interest, or put that money to work elsewhere that can gain value…

Some people I’m on the fence about, so I alternate cake and slice of cake emojis. People think I’m being whimsical, but really I’m contemplating cutting them out of my life entirely.

Ooh, what about that position player is ejected from the game? Gotta play one man down for the rest of the game. Think of the possibilities if the catcher fucks up and now you gotta move your second basemen behind the plate.

“Today was the day I saw your beautiful, angelic face and it reminded me of last year when you changed our lives forever...<goes on for 3 paragraphs>...Happy Birthday to my perfect 1 year old prince!”

Whenever I get a birthday reminder on Facebook, if I can’t bother to write “happy birthday” to the person, I unfriend them.