The portable model is even called the tap, ffs!

BROOM!

I was so pissed when I saw they wasted a roster spot on that piece of shit.

And now he’s plumless

I’m going to comment on everything you post from now on.

No, stupid Penguins fans are assholes. I don’t give a shit if someone else wears 66. It’s not like I’m going to confuse them for Mario.

After the game, he’s heading to Starbucks to meet with someone who has a wonderful business opportunity.

I just bought some Gillette shave gel. Can you please stop running this ad?

This story is like when the Ravens play the Pats. You want both sides to lose, somehow.

He should basically play it like Rick Grimes, sherrif’s hat and all.

It wasn’t until I took my infant to a hockey game that I realized how freaking loud the arena gets. She hated the ear protection we got her, but I didn’t want her ears to get blown out.

The explore algorithym gives me hot chicks and hockey. Don’t get me wrong, both are great, but there’s only so much of that you can take before wanting to see awesome pictures of the Parthenon or something.

Hell my parents do that and end up with 5-6 year car loans on shitty Jeeps. Then they try to tell me how I should be managing my money.

His music blows, too.

Which is textbook satire.

My daughter and I go to the PPG Aquarium all of the time and look at those penguins. They’re stupid as shit, so whatever. They probably got some extra fish and forgot all about it.

My parents walked out of their closing because their idiot agent sold them a home promising “no HOA.” Then there was an HOA. The house they ended up at is way cooler.

How many restaurants do those Next Iron Chef dudes have? Seems like a good one to win.

Who wants to choose between having one more large slice of pepperoni-sausage-mushroom or one more large slice of Hawaiian when you can a smaller slice of each? Nobody, that’s who.

“I’m not drunk!” - Every drunk person.