Thank you Mazda NA for being cool and taking care of your customer. Now please take the wrecked ND and ram it forcefully up the sphincter of the truck-driving idiot who couldn’t be bothered to fucking pay a little attention to the road he was on.

That thing is a body-on-frame with suspension originally designed about the same time that Adam and Steve were frolicing together on the backs of velociraptors. The entire body could disolve into a pile of oxide flakes (each with their own bowtie logo) and you could still most likely nurse the rest home so long as you…

That’s nothing. New Mexico has had this problem since it entered into the US over a century ago. It’s an ongoing joke with a montly column in the NM magazine:

Stupidity is Natural Selection’s secret weapon.

The pitcher should have drilled him, then when he charged the mound the catcher should have jumped him from behind and pounded his face on the ground. It’s the baseball way.

But Jesus fish perform an important function in traffic: they identify cars that I can cut off with impugnity. If they take offense I can point out to them that their god commands them to forgive without fail and if they don’t they’ll go straight to hell.

But it doesn’t protect the door at all. When the suburban cowboy doofus driving that monster parks on top of me and her moron kids ding up my door hitting it with the plastic trash can surface I will still be able to key the words “PAY ATTENTION” into the paint of the door with no problem what so ever.

Three simple words:

Even this pointless, lazy grab for the money of barely-post-adolescent suburban cash is too good for Adam Sandler. He’s an idiot and a scourge and should be exiled from the planet for the good of our species. Weld him into a steel can filled with gasoline and U232 then fire him into the sun.

You note giving points for proximity to the cat-rescue place but fail to post pictures of said kitties?

So you’re not a fan of skiing?

Two words:

The motorcycle gear I use most frequently is 1-2-3, with 4-5 getting used fairly commonly and 6 getting used on long highway rides.

Superman is easily the biggest wanker to hale from Kansas and that includes their Board of Education and their current governor.

The picture above would probably work with full-sized shears but then you’d have crappy cracker-crust pizza anyway. The picture on the linked site is more like a round loaf of rustic bread that Whole-Paycheck went over the top with sprinkling on bits of cheese and random flora and in no way could the shears shown…

The Best Way to Recover After an All-Nighter:

The toughest part is finding jockies small enough to ride ‘em.

All those phrases would be much better received if you simply blasted the kid with a cattle prod right before and after speaking them.

Friends don’t let friend (lumber)jack drunk.

So rig a Vaux bait car with a few Claymores tucked behind the bumper covers and problem solved. Any survivors will be too busy trying to clean their copiously pooped knickers out to mess with anybody’s car for a good long while.