This is Kinja; didn’t you mean to say alleged serial rapist Bill Clinton?

You seem like fun.  I want to party with you, cowboy.

I’m going to work from context here to determine what the fuck “stan” is and say I’ll stan for contractual law. What’s Woody wrong about here? These are highly publicized allegations from day one back in 1994. Amazon knew everything they know now when they entered this agreement.  All they can say is, “Well, we…

Yes Hispanic bisexual woman, listen to this white man and learn to keep your mouth shut and stay in your place.

Nothing Freudian about that.

Such are the pitfalls of only having one celebrity astronomer at a time. How about a talent search reality show for a new host: Reaching for the Stars, perhaps? You’d have people running planetariums all over the country sending in their audition tapes. You could get some celebrity nerds to judge it.

My blood sugar is gettin’ too low for this shit.

Two actors have similarly shaped heads, the mind boggles.

“All the performances seemed awkward, as if they could only use the takes where his co-stars weren’t cringing.”

Please, Cuoco is not even the most grossly overpaid member of that cast [cough, Galecki, cough].

Back, into the left ventricle.

But where will we get the opportunity now to watch these child actors further blossom into absolutely terrible teen/adult performers?

Yes he will!

I believe they’ve actually apprehended a suspect, who’s released the following statement:

That’s because he has so much Poise as a sideline reporter.

1. What the fuck?

Have you ever been in one of those relationships where you’ve completely drifted apart and have entirely different interests and attitudes, yet you linger through it out of habit and a lack of other options?

Sexual desire is gross and destructive and we will only advance as a people when we all have ourselves neutered like house pets and grow our babies in test tubes.

Who would have called Liam Neeson as this generation’s Bronson when Schindler’s List came out?

I’d like to think Donahue would have had more integrity than to cover this completely ginned up non-story about [shuddering] teenagers being snotty and irreverent. One of them even smirked! Oh, my stars! [clutches pearls, places back of hand on forehead, faints dead away] Hell, I’d like to think Morton Downey Jr.…