GLORIA: I know money’s been kind of tight, but this Escalade was just a gift from Matt and I don’t care that much about it. Maybe we should flip it?

I think Nerdybirdy is going to be getting a visit from ICE very soon!

Yes, we need the thin version of John Goodman because we need him to be around for a while! John Goodman is awesome.

Picks were the reason they’re in this situation...

I think they used to call it First Take.

This truly is a mystery. And like any good mystery, the butler did it.

I can just imagine his home life and I’m pretty sure he’s rolling in the puss already.

In related news, Tebow finally made contact with someone else’s genitals.

... although he was kind enough to sign the ball for Brustman

Jesus! Is there anything that Donald Trump won’t leak?

“Get this Lavar Bell fellow on the phone. He’s my new Director of the FBI.”

Such an annoying comment. Fredo gets blamed for everything.

“Here is some extremely white shit” could also be said of every lacrosse game ever played.

Did you grow up in a community of creative anachronists who were always searching for vulnerabilities in each other’s armor?

Keep digging the hole you’re in and you’re going to hit China-America.

“If he lived here, yes. And I do. And he’d be very insulted if you said he wasn’t American.”

“But then Kyrie Irving went on a tear—mounting an 11-2 run by himself.”

Unfortunately for him Bills players ain’t come here to play football, either.

That’s weird, Derrick Rose just tweeted Shady Acres Outpatient Rehabilitation Center followed by four knee brace emojis.