I still think “Stephen Miller” is his most terrifying character. Utterly convincing.

Pedro had a higher W-L% than Nolan Ryan.... who therefore also doesn’t belong in the HOF, I suppose?

The SWAT officer who pulled the trigger is to blame. The person who called the fake incident into the police is to blame. The person who passed along the victim’s address is to blame.

Donald Trump asked for some more global warming, and you delivered with these takes.

Durr, politically incorrect BS. I wonder how many of these women would like to live under SHARIAH LAW1!!!!!

BEARS UNITE AGAINST BEING USED THIS WAY.

Ann Coulter is sad and alone because she feeds exclusively on her own bile.

We really need to talk about the breakdown of the family and its attendant social costs, including substance abuse and having children out of wedlock.

That’s why BBB only has three letters.

“All right, kid. Pack your things. You’ve been traded to the Marlins.”

Maybe this is a bizarro world remake of ‘Major League IV’ where the Miami team tries to lower attendance figures so they move to Cleveland.

Also, am I in prison? Too lazy to google

Man, their dad is a complete asshole, wow.

He will rob you in Compton and blast you in Miami.

They need a salary floor more than a cap.

Yes, let’s give the owners more money.

No. Players earning what they’re worth is a good thing.

I don’t know man. They’ve got a pretty good thing going with the luxury tax. Look at the bad teams in the NFL with the hard cap. The Browns, Titans, Bills, Jets, Jaguars (not this year, but you know what I mean). You’re looking at teams who suck for decades at a time. Basketball has franchises that will never get…

I’d be careful if I were Stanton. Last thing he wants is the hard hitting investigative reporters of The Player’s Tribune on his case.

Knives? Just chip some stones together to get a cutting edge! The last thing you need is some storebought "knife"!