Where does the Trump organization keep coming up with these can’t-miss ideas? They have the best people — believe me! Trump Intelligence?! Amazing!

That Bitcoin I bought at $10k is looking like a better investment than BBB right now.

We’ve also got this thing called Skype now...

Turner’s legal team is banking* on the fact that his family can pay its bills on time.

*Pun intended.

These people don’t live on Earth with the rest of us. They live in a magical place called “Delusional-Privilegeland.”

He probably did get one. But that’s just how they roll in Kennebunkport, man.

Seriously. Life has a 100% fatality rate.

That was years later.

Keep the cats, put the baby up for adoption. I mean they were there first, right?

Branding & management.

Still cancelled. But maybe she can make a comeback special in a few years.

I believed that thumping my teammates (whom I never really liked anyway) with a bible would fast-track me to Christian-media stardom. So, um, like, sorry I miscalculated and #metoo!

Maybe it’s a lack of creativity on my part, but given how Trump keeps checking off all the boxes on the Christian Fundamentalist checklist, I don’t see how Pence can be much worse. The judicial appointments will be just as bad, but unconstitional executive orders won’t start sailing through the court system just…

What could possibly go wrong?

She’s still cancelled. She shat on Aly Raismann (sp?) to promote her own toxic brand. She needs to spend some time in the penalty box for that.

That just proves that he’s not a racist, and libtards are the real racists!

1800 feet? That’s not even high enough to get into a game at Coors Field.

I’m gonna have to call in the ref on this one

That’s not a denial. A denial is “I didn’t do it, because I don’t grope strangers.” My bullshit detector translates it to: “I don’t remember her, because I meet a lot of constituents at state fairs. But, yeah, I can’t deny groping her in public, because that’s the kind of thing I do.”

Then why didn’t he deny it?