Our local newscasters were nowhere near as somber as Beck Bennett in that sketch. Hell when they had video of a Little Ceasers or Auto Zone on fire they could barely contain their erections.

Here in St. Louis some people think it was cut because Channel 4, the station in the sketch, is the local CBS affiliate. The NBC affiliate is Channel 5.

It can be two things

I'm sure it'll do just fine for the elderly and those recovering from surgery

Grand Jury Duty?

Don Ameche: The Boner!

I completely forgot this movie existed. I was 13 in 1985 so I was just out of the targeted demographics. I only remember the commercials and how 80s the movie looked, yeah even in the midst of the decade this stood out. Like if Mrs. Claus wore shoulder pads in it I wouldn't have been surprised. That's how 80s it…

She has her eyes on that bong!

We had to settle for Roseannes overtaxed mom jeans

Home is where you hang your shower curtain rings

Didn't King use a fictional town in Nebraska more than once as well? I think it was called Hemingford Home and it was the town Ben Hanscome from IT lived as an adult and also where Mother Abigail lived in The Stand. Mayhap I'm wrong though.

Yeah when I'm figuring out what to wear to a job interview I often consult the nephew of the guy who sang "Mama We're All Crazy Now"

Z. Cavaricci P.I. will return..right now

Yakety Sax for me!

I don't even own a casket

What does it say about me that while I don't have a will I'm working on a playlist for my funeral.

That pic of Scarlett Johannsen gave me an ending that made me change my pants.

I'm hoping for Paul Rubens.

Who is gonna Stand By Me in line for all of these movies?

M O O N, that spells four Fucking movies!