The hipster prematurely ejaculated before it was cool.

There are too many states these days. Please eliminate five

If I know anything about keys to the city of Springfield it's filled with chocolate, wrapped in gold aluminum and covered in bite marks

Can I still flip her on her back…for other reasons?

Dollar Menu Guy sounds like the world's saddest male hustler

Tomorrow the Internet may grace us with a Jump to Conclusions mat.

Michael Bolton we're really gonna need you to focus up!

You're Gimballs!

When I first glanced at the pic I thought it was Obama superimposed on Leatherface. Then I remembered I wasn't on FOX News website.

Wetness on the Edge of Town?

I didn't want to crush on Vanessa Bayer. I really didn't want to, but dammit if I'm not!

All the dildos have to look like bald eagles though.

If we want to remember him might I suggest a tattoo.
It's a constant reminder of the one you love.

They didn't have pills for that a long time ago in a galaxy far far away.

What level of audience "wooo" would the 3 way with the secret service agent elicit?

Were it not for damned Alzheimer's I'd add Glen Campbell to this list.

I hope Chuck makes it back to Blueberry Hill show so I can see him again. I saw him in 2004 when a friend's band opened for him and also saw him do a short set for Bill Bradley when was running for President in 2000.

This idea has been done before
It really has bro

I think of a guy whose not quite sure what Louis CKs name is.

Yeah that's Life