“Listen, it’s not that hard to understand: tell the cook I want my toast to be offended by a Fuzzy Zoeller toast.”

black and scary, just the way I like it.

You sure? I heard the weekend got switched.

In a similar vein, Yale’s Mens BBall teams Ivy Championship rings read “Implied Consent”

This is like a bank asking for a bailout after all their executives mishandled millions in other peoples’ money. Like that would ever happen!

This article could be called: "Your regular reminder that old white men are in charge."

That’s an off the wall idea, but it just might make the Leafs into a contender!

Yeah, but the stalker has announced that Erin Andrews is appealing.

Asking for a friend

Holy shit. Good for her!!

Wow. It must be tough being an Arsenal fan and having to deal with all that disappointment.

- Fans of around 88 other professional football clubs in England.

“Capt Balderrama: McClendon went left of center traveling at a high rate of speed, collided into bridge wall, car engulfed in flames @NewsOK”

The next day, she was scratched from the team’s senior night ceremony and was suspended for the rest of the season.

Yeah, that criminal who stalked her and then put naked pictures of her on the internet really did her a solid! Where does she get off complaining? Some bitches just can’t take a compliment.

Oh, and you owe us $9.50 for the mixed nuts from the minibar.

I’m not surprised that the Rockets CEO felt the need to speak out. James Harden obviously wasn’t going to defend himself.

So now that you have to make contact, does over-the-shirt still count as second base? Asking for a friend.

Come to think of it, you can transfer them via the Passport app on the iPhone, I think. I’m pretty sure I’ve bought tickets for friends and sent them to them so we could show up at different times. It’s a little weird, because the ticket doesn’t disappear from my phone, but it certainly shows up on theirs.

Who would’ve thought, states that continuously cut taxes run out of money?

But Brady is 20x more of a dick, so he’s actually benefitting from being white.