As always, there’s nothing as quite as smile-inducing as a room full of ecstatic college football players.

USC players were secretly hoping that the school would hire used car salesman Jim Tomsula.

Counterpoint: basketball is still boring and useless, but now with one less insufferable shitstain who once sexually assaulted a woman, but got out of the charge by threatening the woman until she refused to testify.

When I was a kid it was cool to see Dr. J (and even Kareem) have a season-long retirement tour around the league.

Seriously. When I first heard about this yesterday, I assumed Kobe was pulling a Mike Schmidt/Ken Griffey Jr. and retiring midseason because he can no longer step on the court without embarrassing himself. Did anyone seriously think there was a chance he would come back next season?

I am convinced that the sole reason many people have kids is so they can watch wrestling well into adulthood.

When my kids were old enough to get into WWE, I took them to Wrestlemania 27 in the ATL. We had a blast. Like all sports, it’s better with the energy of the crowd. Undertaker vs. Triple H was the shit.

Also in NHL tax news, according to Mr. and Mrs. Johnson’s latest filings, Jack still owes them $50.

And they were so close! It’s not that far from “Fighting Hawks” to “Fighting Cocks”.

This should be a helluva stretch run, since Cincinnati and Carolina now have identical records.

Last Week Tonight has definitely changed my Sundays. It’s made it a LOT more interesting.

But is he elite?!?!?

Not even Jeff Gilooly could stop this guy.

The correct 10:

But, but, “army vet” means he and his family get a free pass to be racist shitheads.

My grandpa used to tell me stories about how the Krauts ripped up his banner on D-Day...you could see the tears in his eyes when he thought about how much that banner cost and how excited he was to put it up on the beach...truly, the greatest generation.

Fake outrage leads to free tickets, money, and/or perks not available to the people who are not-offended.

This guy is an army vet and having a banner that was against the home team taken from him “ruined his day” and “disgusted” him? Grow the fuck up you loser.

I do really hope the NFL comes down hard on him for skipping his media obligations. It's things like that that really taint the Shield.

If you live in your car, can you legally drink in your car?