Oh my god, you realise what this means?

I do that shit every day. Beyoncé wishes she had this box of Cheez-Its, but she can't fucking have them. I bought them first.

I can— I have heard this dude is a pretty stand-up guy (so far,) but I am disgusted by someone spending $70m on a furnished home. Like, are you lacking so much creativity that even given the budget of the most expensive home in Beverly Hills, you can't come up with anything better than eating someone else's candy on…

Your insights are very interesting and I would love to hang out with you at a party.

It's a boxing game, dude. You're breaking the rules. And by the look of that hit counter going beserk in slow-mo, you're breaking the game as well.

Ozymondias from Watchman totally subverts the super-villain stereotypes by revealing his plan to the heroes after he already carried it out.

What a shit storm. If she's a "trained assassin" why is she so afraid of someone who already broke up with her.

To be fair, buying a meal at the airport costs about as much as one of these trucks.

99% of the time when I walk into a Cadillac or Lincoln dealership, I decide within two minutes that I want nothing to do with their products just based on the attitudes of the sales douches. It pisses me off that I work on these products and that a customer would walk away because the final dickhead(s) in the chain of…

I've seen many classic cars listed purposely overpriced for what I call the "Honey, I tried to sell it but the economy is down. Oh well, I guess I'll have to keep it for a few more years \_O_/" move by guys facing pressure by the significant other to sell a prized possession.

"Do you spend your nights pondering why poor people just can't seem to buy more money?"

But how many times can you trot out Johnny Depp wearing a funny costume?

Well, let's say you are having tea with Lady M., when Sir Jeffrey R. drops by unannounced and in a state of agitation, wanting to show you Dr. G.'s latest paper on Sumerian poetry. Now, Lady M. and Sir Jeffrey detest each other, so you usher him to the oak reception room and pour him a brandy, before returning to…

Similar story: my neighbor has a Model A Ford that he is working on restoring, and takes it out every once in a while. He told me a story of how he drove it to a pizza place down the road and while he was inside, a crowd of people gathered who were getting in and out of his car and playing with things. He calmly…

Spray painted sandwich toothpicks...

More like Not-so-slenderman

just yesterday the FBI said the attack would have beaten 90 percent of companies

"The suspect was seen brandishing a Rubik's Cube in a threatening manner. The officer had no idea it wasn't a real Rubik's Cube..."