This bird that mocks depressed writers from Baltimore.

One of his campaign promises was to get America out of Afghanistan, so…….. Yep……….

*slips Threepwood a five dollar bill*

I thought it was a state park. Either way, it doesn't make sense that they weren't noticed before.

That's debatable. The Visit had middling reviews and was a found-footage style movie. Split had a much more positive reception and was more of Shamylan's style.

*walks in*

Wait, you worked for the Watchers?

Hooooray for Hollywooood!

On a more positive note, it's never been safer to eat at a DC area TGI Fridays.

Thanks to the miracles of modern medicine, CancerAIDS is no longer the lethal diagnosis it once was.

Football season is almost here as well, which means soon it will end and I can go back to not having to see ads for fantasy and scheduling reminders to watch 300 pound freaks literally beat themselves brainless, but you don't see me writing a stupid op-ed piece about it, Florio.

On the plus side, if the flat earthers go blind, they'll never have any more visual evidence that would shatter their beliefs.

Neither does Donald Trump.

Silver Snakes for life, son!

Is there any other kind?

Do you also want them to give you a pacifier and rock you to sleep?

That last thing you said is bullshit. Everybody loves boobs.

It's like he's playing chess, and we're all playing baseball.

Finally I can get an animatronic, anthropomorphic rat to help balance my living room's feng shui.

What, is JAG not on anymore?