I bet it would be sold on Goop, and come with a trunk full of cleanse juices and jade vagina eggs.

A HiLux would’ve survived that drop though.

Exactly why he cut the straps remains unclear.

And you would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for those damn kids and their dog.

Are you a dad? Because this is an EPIC dad joke.

Good boy.

BRO DO YOU WANT ME TO ROLL COAL IN YOUR FACE

I always say that just “lifting” your truck doesn’t give you more ground clearance. Your lowest point will almost always be the differential.

I mean... at least you painted them.

I had a 1998 Buick Regal GS (man I miss that car) that had the traction control button right in the middle of the center console, after a trip to Mohegan Sun Casino in CT with my wife we were on the highway and she asked me what the “Trac” button did and what would happen if she pressed it. I told her its the traction…

“This will be the last mod I make..”

We didn’t have an automatic for a while, and when we got one, I kid you not, my son asked where the clutch pedal was.

I was a little behind on my payments and really needed to get out from underneath my car loan. So one day I’m driving down the road and had a great thought — what if I “accidentally” drive my car into a lake and blame a low-flying pelican?! So that’s what I did, and that’s what I told the insurance company happened.…

I painted my stock brake calipers red in an attempt to look like I could afford real performance parts.

Do any of your bro-truck friends actually do any of those things by any chance?

If I count my master cylinder and lock cylinders, it’s not a lie. I drive a 14-cylinder Mustang.

I represent that comment. Ouch.

“Hey honey, gotta work on the car today. This should only take me an hour or so, and I’ve got everything I need already.”

It’s all functional, bro.

I told my 3 year old at the time that if she pulled that lever near her carseat that it would eject her onto the freeway. She stopped playing with the lever (takedown lever for the rear seats to fold down. Wouldn’t have worked with her seat in place, but I wasn’t sure, and was tired of her trying to mess with it).