I did not stock enough bourbon for tonight. 

And still only 1% of the members of the 10 families that are going to get his publishers clearing house sweepstakes will vote for him.

There is a 14 year old nude photo of me circulating out there. It’s actually from decades ago, when I was a naked baby in a bathtub. But the photo itself was printed in 2005 when my dad was at the height of his scanning and reprinting family photos on his brand new HP photo printer so my mom could scrapbook. So I know…

Aaron Sorkin has made thousands of hours of film and TV entertainment by recreating the scene from Amelie where she quickly walks a blind man around a marketplace and rapidly describes everything going on around them SO YOU TAKE IT BACK NOW!

Big Carl is my husband and all you thirsty horny freaks in the comments trying to break up our family can go straight to hell.

The real highs are the stakes we made along the way.

But I’m struggling to see how this differs from the US’s policy to deny Jews asylum in WW2.

No, sounds to me like he’s worried about Warren undermining support for Voldemort.

Are you saying people are going to support her over Voldemort and you’re seemingly against that?

Let’s not pretend it isn’t a fetish for the rich, either. Being able to cry victim that big bad mean Congress is being SO UNFAIR (tm) to people who can buy entire countries when they feel like it.

“There were these hearings in the ‘30s where they brought rich people in front of Congress and just kind of trashed them.”

A Biden adviser says he’ll make the case at this week’s debate that Democrats need a nominee who can offer “more than plans”

You hate to see it.

Some pig.

Is this a bad place to make a “I hope he absolutely bombs in Dresden” joke?

TFW the Dog is so Mad that it pisses all over its own tail that’s tucked between its legs.

Keith Richards echoed Mick Jagger’s sentiment by holding a press conference where he proceeded to transform into the Night King in order to usher in the expedited extermination of all humankind so that the planet could survive.

Don’t be so sure.