Denmark is gonna be pissed when halfway through the deal of establishing Trumpland they find out 85% of the US’s backing investors were made up and the Danes are on the hook for dealing with the bankrupt island after it’s been stripped bare of resources.

Honestly, I don’t know. It’s certainly a future I want to live in, but I earnestly cannot tell if it is a future warned by conservatives or clever leftists showing how amazing the planet could be if the right died off tonight.

If I were Trump I’d argue the opposite. Instead of windmills slowing and cutting off mid-Family Feud from lack of generation, that winds gets so powerful in the future that it causes turbines to spin off of their rigs and turn into deadly spinning discs capable of reducing a country to dust within mere minutes.

Wendy’s twitter blocked me years ago for hounding them constantly as fascists for withholding spicy nuggets. Now look who’s the god damn revolutionary!

Fuck Trump. My leftist future promises open lap-sitting lesbians, permission for sheep to sit passenger sans seat belt, and the continuation of weed-smoking dumbass sk8r bois and I won’t have it any other way.

Tanden assaulted Faiz Shakir

Meanwhile the best compliment one can get being called a secondary character is to tell someone they’re a real Samwise.

This shithead was our AG, not sure what office the VA Secretary or State is. And this asshole used his entire time in the AG’s office fighting climate science, defending an obsolete and unenforced anti-sodomy law, and trying to get a titty off of VA’s seal.

The same reason it’s always on Democrats to answer how they’re going to pay for policy. The same reason it’s always only Democrats who appoint “activist” judges. The same reason it’s always on Democrats to hold their own accountable.

The endorsement comes with a vinegary corn chip fragrance that will follow Biden’s campaign everywhere.

Yeah but how else are those guards going to get to retire at 40 with 150% pension and benefits?

You Shouldn’t Need Photos of Sobbing And Terrified Children

This is all very exciting, though what is slightly less exciting is that Murphy’s not bringing this to us until September 2020.

Alternative headlines that would have not only been more accurate, but could have even been made with the same letters from the first dumb one:

Considering most of the legislation being asked to be considered in that letter beef up the police state, gonna give this request a hard pass. I thought we just talked about this?

I did the statistical analysis, and at 10 feral hogs per minute, within a day we’ll have enough hogs for a hog-riding cavalry capable of capturing legit rural America from the Carolinas to Arkansas. A week, the country. And by just 23 days? My friends, we’re talking complete global hog conquest.

As someone who fully recognizes the “actually” side of feral pigs as an invasive species to the Americas, the 30-50 feral hogs memes are actually still good, tho. 

Oh god, this one is fucking killing me.