I was told that “Vietnam vet” stood for “Vietnam veterinarian” and believed it until I was 14.

Blood is blue in the veins. Fuck you 4th grade teacher!

My mom told me that chickens are made when a hen lays an egg, then the rooster sits on it to fertilize, and once he’s done the hen sits on it some more until the egg hatches. I don’t know why I grew up thinking chickens were somehow exempt from sex in order to procreate. It wasn’t until college that I realized the…

When I was learning to drive my boyfriends little brother told me stop signs with white outlines were optional. I had my license for months before I realized.

Did the trans version of that, tried to “man up” after figuring it out. What a waste of time.

When I was little, my sister convinced me that she and everyone in my family were space aliens sent down to kill me. Her real name was Christina and she came down in a beam of lavender light. My real family was dead, btw. I went to my mom, sobbing and she was like, “ you’re nine and too old to believe that.”

Not even I support you right now, Martin.

I am so damned tired of that argument. That is exactly the same as someone who has a problem with their car and then proclaiming that they’re going to take it to their barber to fix instead because they don’t trust mechanics.

This should be that standard. "Jane Black Widow and Joe Hawkeye are getting married. Do you think they will choose to be Mr. and Mrs. Aquaman or Mr. and Mrs. Black Leopard? "

I was tempted to take my wife’s last name because it’s more or less unpronounceable unless you already know how to speak Mandarin, but she took mine instead because her name is more or less unpronounceable unless you already know how to speak Mandarin.

I’ve been married for 9 years and we each kept our own names, but now we’re trying to have a baby and my husband is talking a big game about switching his last name to mine and giving it to the kids. We’re having trouble producing these hypothetical kids and also he’s not great with paperwork so WE’LL SEE, but if it…

Everyone should just take whichever is the superior last name (let’s be honest, there almost always is one). Then we will phase out all of the lame surnames and America will be great again.

Contempt, disdain, and annoyance are all within the range of normal human emotions. How you express them is a reflection of your character. You can do it right or you can do it like Trump.

Lol. In Christie land all men work and all women drive the kids around.

yeah, its called see how fast i can pass out so i don’t have to endure this

Santorum has a way of ruining the night

Tardigrades fit squarely into the “so ugly it’s cute” category, which is something that will never be said about Donald Trump, despite also looking like the south end of a north bound pig.

For the uninitiated, the book—which is a relatively short 28 pages

Doctors, heads up. This is what happens when you tell your megalomaniacal patient, “Just write something down, I’ll sign it.”

How is it patronising? It’s perfectly valid in a discussion about politics to wonder why a group votes one way and not another. For instance, I often wonder why Tea Party supporters vote against their own interests. Lots of them are poor, unemployed and rely on Medicare. And yet they support candidates who want to…