They should really make this tawdry shite more interesting. How about instead of giving the Interchangeable Chads/Emmas a rose, they get a live grenade instead?  Or how about they release a pack of angry hounds?  

I’d pour soup on their laptop.  The shrieking would be more satisfying...

You kinky bastard.

Yay, more Gemma!  

Christ, that’s some strategic lighting and industrial photoshop.

Those things sound like they should be presented to you by an ageing man-whore with knock-off Oakley sunglasses and badly frosted tips.  I...I just don’t see the appeal of these things (and this is coming from a guy from the county that likes to deep fry anything that moves, including your cat)...

*curtsies, because he’s suddenly wearing a kilt*

As Doctor Who once said: “You’re Scottish! Fry something!” And because Scotland is a wee country, I can claim multiple foodstuffs as being iconic to my home city! (If you don’t like it, see that man over there? Go and ask him if he has a spare fuck to give. And yes, that is something that Mummy Vinegar once said to my…

Sexy!

I want to try one.  Just to say that I survived.  

What, Priti Vacant?  Priti Useless?  Priti Shitty?

Nancy sounds like the purest of pure fucked-up.  Nancy, honey, if you’re reading this, go to your doctor and get a stronger dosage, KTHXBYE.

“Why do some men refuse to wear sunscreen?”

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat??!?!?!?!?

I don’t know what Indian restaurants are like in the US (for they do differ from country to country, as I discovered when I was in New Zealand and had possibly the most delicious Keralan-style fish curry I’ve ever had) but a couple of things that one should always, always try and order at an Indian restaurant…

FUCK YES NAAN.  Good naan should be pillowy, fluffy - like a duvet.  Store it right and you’ve got a nice wee snack for brekkies the next day!

That is actually pretty fucking cool!  *fist-bumps*

I’ve got two. One for me and one from my sister!

Heh, it’s a name me and my mates use for it.  It varies from place to place, so we just call it “the green dippy sauce”.

It’s like a MAGA Convention!