I’d recommend not engaging with a faux-outrage trollop like that.  Its trying to be intellectual in their responses, but, my god, the sheer number of buzzwords and phrases...!

Fuck their MAGA-friendly playlists. You know, there’s a fair fucking few American black stars who pop up on tunes that are adored by the gay community. And some of those stars know that my wee community will always support them, irrespective of what some cunty wee bar owner says. My advice to anyone in the Chicago…

Voted for Kevin. At least he’s not into a scone covered in horse-cum or tiny crustaceans served with reconstituted cat litter.

You won’t have sex with an alien, dear. Just fingered. Phoooone hoooommmmeeee...

You bastards.  *hexes*

I didn’t know you could catch a cold at the same time as your daddy gives you herpes.  The more you learn....*marvels*

Oh, jolly. Not only do we have to deal with the Orange Cancerball and the Sentient Sexdoll, we have to tolerate Melanoma, Uncle Fester, The Spare and Daddy’s Biggest Disappointment. Oh fucking joy. Never have I wished for a random stray nuke...

I don’t think Americans can even come close to capturing the vicious banality of Mark and Jeremy’s lives.  It doesn’t matter if you gender-swap (seriously, how utterly predictable) - if you can’t manage to capture the banality along with the viciousness of their lives, there’s no fucking point. 

Ah, the courtesy car of HELL, well, at least according to Mr Vinegar. He drives an Audi A6 that got into an unfortunate situation in December (we won’t share the details, though he claims you can still smell venison when the heating’s on...) and was “kindly” given what he described as “the gayest fucking gay…

Monika, you and your boss need to go and choke on a bag of dicks.

Well, for once I’m not going down the Ibiza rabbit hole (in case you’ve been living under a rock or the Mid-West, Ibiza is the destination for proper dance music, sorry (pops on American translator) EDM and I won’t hear any arguments to the contrary. Coachella is an STD-ridden Instawhore and there are so many to…

FOUND IT. I FOUND THE TRAVELATOR. Picture me - an adorably scruffy young gay Scotsman, rakishly dressed in black denim and a midnight-blue shirt...and pissed out of my tiny gourd, being hauled up the slope on this thing. Yeah.

Oh no, I just generally believe that there are LGBT people out there who are utter cunts.  I know of one man who claims that we’d all be better if we lost equal marriage and went back to the Section 28 days here in the UK.  All I can thank Satan for is that this particular prick’s got a fear of children that prevents…

I was going to talk about the gorgeous guy I was working with and fucking around with for most of 2002-2003, but that story’s boring.

And?  AND?  Did you get a case of the itchies or not!?!  Are you Patient Zero!?

There’s nothing wrong in wishing a painful death on your enemies and those that assist them.  I’m constantly beyond fucking bewildered that there are LGBT people who vote for UKIP and the Conservatives in the UK.  One’s a party of gammon-faced racist grandparents and the other is filled with the sort of people you…

Ah, sell-by dates. You know who paid the price for ignoring a sell-by date? Fergus. Behold...

I remember one joke (or snark, depending on your viewpoint) from a German television series:  what’s the difference between a Trabant and a Manta?  The Trabant actually goes somewhere.  Never understood it.  Mind you, we did have Mantas here in the UK back in the eighties, where it rivals the Capri for the title of…

Char siu for brekkies? Fuck, yeah.

Well (he says, whilst stirring his tea and reaching for a ginger nut biscuit), the host would be considered to be a filthy disease-ridden well-used whore in my family if they left potato salad or any other foodstuff in a cream or mayo-based sauce in the sun to become uncomfortably warm. Tell that slattern to get their…