I am not a clumsy, Clouseau-esque Waiter!

♪ Oh, Mindy, you came and you gave without flaking, but I sent you BenGay ♪

Until 1796 I was Hans Sprungfeld, murderous pirate.

Hey, hey, I may be ugly and hate-filled, but I… um, what was the third thing?

And that's where Kent Brockman was caught cheating in the Springfield marathon. And there's where Lupe Velez bought the toilet she drowned in.

So join America's favorite TV family and a tiny green space alien named Ozmodiar that only Homer can see, on Fox this fall. It'll be out of this world! Right, Ozmodiar?

I give you the jury of the damned: Benedict Arnold, Lizzie Borden, Richard Nixon, John Wilkes Booth, Blackbeard the pirate, John Dillinger, and the starting line of the 1976 Philadelphia Flyers!

Oh, we've got to get home! I don't want to miss "Inside the Actor's Studio!" Tonight, it's F. Murray Abraham!

Here's a float saluting the Native Americans who taught us how to celebrate Thanksgiving. Interesting side note on this float: The paper-mache is composed entirely of broken treaties.

Get ready for exciting quarter-mile action at the Springfield Drag Strip! It'll be motorized mayhem! Mayhem! Mayhem! Do we need all those "mayhems"? We do. All right. Fair enough. I suppose you know your business. Get ready for fun! Fun! Fun! Uh, people are already here. We don't need to keep hustling them like this,…

Time for Brazil's favorite kids' show, Teleboobies.

Kent O'Brockman live on Main Street, where today everyone is a little bit Irish, except, of course, for the gays and the Italians.

No! Not Lenny!

Where’s Gil’s lick, doesn’t Old Gil get a lick?

Well McGarnagle, Billy is dead!

For two more days. Then it becomes Libertarian Party headquarters. I hope they have better luck than I did.

On Comedy Central, an all-new South Park.

So Ziggy goes to the repair shop and there's a sign on the doorbell reading "Out of order." Ah, Ziggy, will you ever win?

Foul temptress! I'll bet she thinks Ziggy's gotten too preachy, too!

Checkmate, Mr. Trampoline!