Welcome! Welcome! Welcome! To an evening of exciting quarter-mile action! Action! Action! Our first race is a benefit for daredevil Lance Murdock! Murdock! Murdock! Who's hospitalized with cirrhosis of the liver! Liver! Liver!

Ooh, Poochie is one outrageous dude.

Ruff, ruff. I'm Poochie, the rockin' dog!

But Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without GILLS. You're from two different worlds!

Hellooo, Human Fly here. Come on, I spent all night dying my underwear!

That party-hearty attitude is a registered trademark of the Duff Corporation.

Maybe you should see a doctor, Homie

This has purple stuff inside. Purple is a fruit

Oh, my face is on fire!

Oh yeah, I slaughtered the Special Olympics.

Katharine Hepburn never showed her breasts.

A massive tanker has run aground on the central coastline spilling millions of gallons of oil on Baby Seal Beach.

♪ Just don't look, just don't look ♪

What about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say ''Die, Bart, Die''?

We take eighteen ounces of sizzling ground beef, and soak it in rich, creamery butter, then we top it off with bacon, ham, and a fried egg. We call it "The Good Morning Burger".

Get to work! I want to see my face in that horse's ass.

BART! DO YOU WANT TO SEE MY NEW CHAINSAW AND HOCKEY MASK?!!

Uh, 'bout 120 pounds.

The Olympics have preempted my favorite shows for the last time!

Well, it's not quite a mop, and it's not quite a puppet.