Which one of them gets Johnny Depp in the split? They only mentioned 2 of their kids, I'm concerned about Johnny. Also who is going to be in all of Burton's movies now?

Can we just equate his name with eye rolling from now on? Like seriously, every time I see Nicholas Sparks I can't help but roll my eyes as hard as possible. And sigh, the sigh usually happens to. Seriously, it could be a thing. "Did you see that?" "Oh yea, I Nicholas Sparks'd so hard over that. Honestly."

#stillcrying

twatwaffle is the greatest thing I've seen all day. Thank you

I have no idea what you just said in the parenthesis, I can't read it at all

I'm fully with you on those, gross and they do not turn me on. However, there is some really good stuff out there that caters more to the women on the internet. Don't give up hope yet, we may appear to be the smaller market, but we haven't been completely forgotten!

I rolled my eyes so hard I have to go chase them across the floor now. Hopefully there are no typos in this response :)

I... what? I don't even... what?

If nothing else, I find these particular emails refreshingly professional and full of proper grammar and punctuation! It's a nice change, knowing there are at least a few people in the film industry who are capable of such things

daddamn made me giggle far too much

I can attest for how difficult it is to get a lying, stealing asshole fired for completely legitimate reasons. And this was all while tiptoeing and trying not to make things worse and not be directly involved in it, but after 6 months of work building evidence against her (because my company actually hired lawyers and…

That is the greatest

Did you tell them to fuck off?

omg it just got so much better, thank you for that!

I'm with you on that one, I'm getting whoosy just thinking about it...

Freudian Slip for the win! "they handcuffed Creamer and put in her..."

Please continue with all the Dean gifs. They are perfect

All of the cabbies I've encountered in Seattle are unpleasant, I've never had a good cab ride, but my Uber rides have always been fine. I just hate cabs in general (Uber, Lyft or traditional), mostly because no I do not want to carry on awkward small talk with you, leave me alone! I try to use Car2Go as much as…

"Great universities are committed to serving the public good by creating space for discourse and exchange of ideas"

I've never used one, because I think they're the most terrifying horrible thing ever and I've made it very clear to my roommate that if one is ever brought anywhere near our apartment I will burn it, and ditch it at least a mile from my home, and then punch him in the face. But, my dad had a story from when he was a…