I’m almost afraid to ask what happened to JLaw’s vag?

BREAKING NEWS: director who seems insufferable is insufferable.

I had this as a kid in the 80's. My dad found me frantically cramming all of my stuffed animals in a closet while chanting they were “real” because I was terrified my parents were going to burn all my stuff in bonfire in the backyard à la The Velveteen Rabbit.

Stop using deodorant too. That should definitely stop the rapes!

Done being attractive, done using make up, done brushing my hair, done brushing my teeth, is that how it works now??

I don’t blame her for being a reluctant First Lady. It’s a largely thankless role that she probably never envisioned for herself.

lol, my nickname for Splinter

That Steve Harvey sketch was fucking amazing too.

Yes, they have nothing to apologize for. If you think they do, you’re crazy and can’t hang, and honestly, you should probably be apologizing to them for expecting an apology in the first place.

“The woman involved was upset by my actions and for that I am deeply sorry.”

Are men just...allergic to giving good apologies?

It sounds like there probably is an alcohol problem, but it’s sort of odd to do a treatment program after five months of...AA only?...white knuckling it?...and makes me think that’s an attempt at image rehab. In any case, being an alcoholic is only part of the problem. Physics knows there are plenty of drunks who…

So, he’s blaming this on alcoholism? Jeezus.

This song is a damn earworm, both because it’s catchy and because all of the lyrics have already been rolling around in my brain since, oh, about this time last year.

Keenan Thompson is a national treasure.

Can we talk about how great Kenan Thompson was in that sketch? I feel like he gets pigeonholed a lot (like even if he’s playing different characters he always uses the same ‘comedy voice’), but his R&B performance just blew it out of the water.

Next week, they should do a follow up video with a collaboration with, say, a bubblegum pop princess, country music star, hardcore rapper, and a rock band, to signal that everyone misses President Obama

I imagine that bubble guts is a common ailment as men wait to see if they will be outed.

You know, I thought these would bother me, what with being a survivor and all. I thought they’d be triggering, but they’re not, because there are just SO MANY of them and none of them are shocking. Not a single detail I’ve read has surprised me in any way. And THAT is a problem.

I am going to soak my brain in laundry detergent for a little bit.