Rebecca, I've been looking to buy a house for months, and window treatments are at the top of my list. Some people have window treatments that I would just rather set on fire.

.....

Cheesecake really is the best. I once slept with someone because they suggested we meet up for cheesecake and coffee. (Also, I'm pretty easy.)

1. Chocolate

My favorite cake ever was my wedding cake from this summer.

Well, see the thing is.. Corgis are heavy. Like really heavy and shaped like a barrel. This is a silly idea but I would let someone hold my guy for cake.

The first question I have after not watching this video is, "Hmm. I guess I understand the 'shutters on the inside of the windows' idea conceptually, but wouldn't it just make more sense to get some nice Hunter Douglas blinds? You could even spring for the Home Depot store-brand blinds. But are shutters really better…

Divorce in less than three years — my prediction, based on violation of decent language such as the unironic use of "man of my dreams," "storybook wedding," and "my dream wedding."

"We will be having the most wonderful storybook wedding that Boston has ever seen."

Pembroke or Cardigan? Are tri-colored or brindle acceptable? She really isn't giving all the details. Also, my old, paralyzed, incontinent, sweet, perfect, wonderful corgi scoffs at this entire notion but can be persuaded depending on the cookie budget.

But ... his chin. It has gotten so pointy. Do people have chin-pointier surgery now? Or does it just get longer until you come out?

So the wedding theme is wretched excess?

I always assume that people who prefer videos over transcripts must be pretty weak readers, so they actually can't read any faster than the people in the video speak.

I think it's a real sign of progress in this country that the knee-jerk reaction to this story from old people is no longer going to be focused around casual homophobia, but confusion at that fact that being a "youtube star" is a thing.

Yeah. A couple very good friends are furries. I don't understand all the hatred. It is mostly just that they are awkward people who feel more comfortable in a costume.

Mr Peaches was a bold cat and once plopped himself on the lap of a friend who had never had a pet. My friend looked at me in shock and asked, "What do I do now?" "Pat him on the belly." "Clockwise or counterclockwise?"

My father is really bad with cats; once I placed an especially sweet, kissable kitten on his lap at a family party, and his hands curled up to his chest and he whispered "Please take it off of me, I don't know what it wants."

I adore these special reports. Jezebel needs more Allen!

i have so much to say rn

Ben Lashes sounds like the name of a beautiful pony or a cartoon fawn.