I love it when you write.

I don’t know about you, but when I’m drunk, geometry looks sexy as hell

My nightmares include steak touching peas

That’s disgusting. Food should NEVER mix like that. Ugh, I’m getting anxious thinking about it

You expect me to try and cut a steak in a bowl?

Do they mean period pain like “Dear GOD my insides are being torn apart by warring tribes of intestine-dwelling hate-pygmies why is this happening oh dear God please let me die” or do they mean period pain like “Ugh I have a tummy ache wahhh”

Paid leave.

omg i hate his face so much i need to punch it repeatedly

The Old Ones, obviously

Too late...

I heard you could see HALF of her CALVES.

I’d buy it.

Hope he’s cool with me waiting until it’s free on his website

STRAWBERRY?!

I stopped reading two paragraphs in. I’m feeling very angry already. I would greatly appreciate someone who could stomach the entire article to tell me the level of rage that would be appropriate.

I!! FOUND!! A!! CARROT!!

GOOD. HE DOESN’T DESERVE SUCH FANCY AND EXPENSIVE DELICIOUSNESS. THOSE ARE FOR GOOD KITTIES

I hope those assholes are legally and financially destroyed by Planned Parenthood.

I cannot speak right now. I am in a rage at this.

Poor innocent little fox...