Wait. I could so go for this. This might be the only reason I would move to America. I can’t have kids, so this is basically a state mandate for me to sit at home with MANY dogs eating cake and embroidering FUCK THE PATRIARCHY all week.

My company is generally really good about sick days.

Yes, “as good as Red Lobster” is the very definition of damning with faint praise.

That is some level 99 nerd cred there. Not only quoting Spock, but quoting Spock from Undiscovered Country. Epic. Especially since that quote may have been the only redeeming element of that movie... ;)

On the kink issue, i once dated a girl who was into some (fairly tame) BDSM stuff. Did nothing at all for me, but she REALLY got into it. And I found myself enjoying it because SHE was enjoying it, and she reciprocated in other ways, so I guess my point here is communication and wanting to make your partner happy is…

Dear Dazed and Confused:

I like Elizabeth Warren more than I like most other politicians, but she needs someone one her staff to keep her from walking into obvious traps, like that DNA test she took. If she can’t avoid shit like that, her presidential run will be fucked. 

I legit asked myself if I’d sleep with my landlord in exchange for rent. Probably yes. Not sure if I should feel ashamed or not.

Ohmigod, it works! I was one of those negative naysayers too, but then I thought what the hell and I found out IT WORKS! I now have a fridge full of food and no rent due until July 2024 and all I have to do is crochet 1,412 dreamcatchers and paint unicorns on kids’ faces at 3,916 church festivals.

What is the best way for law enforcement to handle this kind of thing? My question is sincere and is in no way meant to absolve the campus police or SLCPD.

Seriously. You aren’t getting a year’s worth of rent in a fucking HOUSE for $8,600. I lucked out and lived in a rent-controlled two-bedroom (in a very sketchy area) when I lived in LA....$1,550 a month and that was a fucking STEAL. We were there for nearly six years and would still be there today if we hadn’t decided…

Yes, the whole orchestra.

And this right here is absolutely why I hate how abusers co-opt BDSM and get away with it. Because we’re a sexually repressed culture, the majority are willing to look the other way so they don’t get outed. Fuck people who commit heinous acts in the name of kink and the people who protect them because assuaging their…

I was already going to hell for a bunch of other stuff anyways.

So hold on, a girl who is trafficked and preyed upon, forced in prostitution, kills a man who picks her up, is given over 50 years, but a grown ass man killing his girlfriend, pouring bleach on her, and not calling 911 until she’s definitely dead only gets 3 years? Yeah, I can definitely see how he’s more capable of…

“dead as a donut,”

I’m freakin’ nobody and I’VE never heard his name, despite being squarely in the demographic that should remember him. If a 33yo hag like me doesn’t know him, why the hell would baby-kitten pony pixiegirl have a clue?

I know a lot of you are probably going to jump all over Rapaport but before you do, consider briefly what sort of miserably small existence it must be to be a 50 year old man who thinks the world gives the slightest shit about who his Cialis works for.

Lindsay looks, dresses, sounds, and dances like a desperate and horny 55 year old alcoholic cougar and I’m here for it.

Obligatory.