“Maybe if we fake seeing the fucking thing we can get out of these stupid Bigfoot hunting hikes” - her kids 20 minutes before realising they’ve made a terrible mistake, probably

Only 4th degree criminalsexual assault? I bet he’s about to get kicked out for failing to maintain MSU’s high standards of sexual assault.

He’s a male in his 50s, so I would hope they give him regular prostate exams to ensure he remains healthy enough to suffer in prison for as long as possible. Maybe a thorough exam twice a day would be appropriate?

It’s been even better this season - not only does Sky broadcast one game from each slot on Sunday (usually pretty good games on paper or rivalry games), but also Thursday night and Monday night games (as well es every game of the playoffs) on Sky Sports, plus they broadcast NFL RedZone on Sky Sports Mix - which is…

Maybe they should sign Jeff Tuel.

Well, apart from the fact that he claimed not to be a dirty player when he’s still, y’know, Mike Mitchell.

The injuries she suffered in her earlier career robbed us of a decade of great Hingis versus Williams sisters tennis. If she’d held up physically, her craft and guile and flat out wizardry at overcoming the power discrepancy between her and the Williams sisters would have made for some great tennis matches. We could…

I could totally see that happening in, say, six months - especially if the TV show is a success.

Oh yeah, as a notional Red Sox fan (I dislike baseball, but I’m from Boston, so if my family asks, GO SOX), I agree that they would, I just wanted to put it in context how much the clubs usually dislike each other and how bad The Sun’s actions were that they managed to get two rivals to agree on something.

For those less aware, the issue with The Sun is their despicable reporting of the Hillsborough disaster, where 96 Liverpool fans died because of police incompetence that took years to finally drag into the open, which put the entire blame on Liverpool fans, falsely claimed they urinated on and stole from the dead and…

What a complete and unexpected surprise. I for one am shocked that serial drug cheat and drug abuser Jon Jones has yet again tested positive for drugs. I thought for sure that this time, serial drug cheat and drug abuser Jon Jones had finally realized that he could be literally rolling in money like Scrooge McDuck if…

My sources tell me everyone who has ever met Stephen A. Smith wishes that he’d shut the hell up.

Obviously, being a college football coach, having contact with someone who gets paid for their work is a major issue that the NCAA will have to furiously investigate.

Surely you’re underplaying the perfectness of Jinder Mahal rushing the ring and beating the crap out of both of them. Possibly followed by a handicap tag match in which Mahal and the Singh Brothers face the classic mismatched tag team of McGregor and Mayweather.

I can only attempt to imagine how small his penis must be. I mean, he must have one and it must be large enough to function, assuming those are actually his genetic children. So I assume small, but not microscopically small and hideously deformed. It’s the only explanation for his…

Well done, Leonard Williams. And fuck that guy who is probably Darron Lee.

I didn’t say he should be. I meant he’s lucky some over-officious asshole didn’t see this as a chance to make a bullshit statement.

I think he’s lucky considering the proximity to the Manchester bombing and the fact that people are extremely wary of people who manage to sneak thinks into crowded arenas right now. He could have been charged with a lot worse than he got away with.

I for one welcome our adorable new Overlords with open arms.

This is the real story in this case.