Should have used a Cat 5 cable.

I am sorry to inform you that, against your wishes and mine, and contrary to the interests of humanity, they have very much happened.

Only ~1/2 of elephants can control their penises.  And a far smaller proportion of humans. 

I agree.  If you’re mature enough to attend college, you’re old enough to bribe your own way in.

Is anyone else not only not shocked that Diddy is 50, but surprised he’s not older?  Dude was on like his 3rd rebranding in the 90s.

Gotta go with cryptocurrency based on its acolytes alone.

I’m inordinately proud of this:

Yet we should definitely cancel “feels.” 

OK, Bloomber.

But remember, this is a woman who speaks five languages.

Everyone who makes their student-loan payments to the U.S. Treasury, raise your hand.

I love the image of baby boomers cowering in fear that someone might utter “OK” in their general direction. 

More like Betsy DeBros, amirite?

Stick to . . . never mind.

Do you people not day drink? Bars always have restrooms.

The entire party is so subsumed under Trump that they are doomed either way. Look at the retiring senators who meekly spoke out to say, “Hey, just maybe not everything President Trump is doing is, you know, ‘perfect.’” They were excommunicated.

When you find yourself years behind Patrick fucking Lynch, of all people, when it comes to sensitive and enlightened policing, it's time to retire. 

I know that when I'm looking for a convenient place to stay in NYC and price is no object, something resembling the atmosphere of a train station is at the top of my list. 

Here’s the view from a walk I took earlier in the week:

Is it wrong for me to hope that most of those “gender reveal party” parents end up getting the *real* gender reveal years later? ‘Cause they are trying so hard to force their unborn children into gender roles?