The subject of “doesn’t” here is “objectivity,” not “pretensions.” Those exist, indeed.

Best might not mean perfect, but in my book, it means “better than a greedy shill for addictive cancer weed.”

The kind who get rich(er) lying to young people about the link between tobacco and cancer? We’ve had enough of that kind.

It’s always tough to tell, with the anonymity the internet provides, but I’m starting to suspect that Elisabeth Maria and Elisabeth Maria are the same person.

He also had troubled with the background screening, given Chubby’s Checkered past.

“I’ll give you a goddamn crick in your goddamn neck . . .”

I wouldn’t worry too much about the injured. In my experience, there are plenty of Chinese spare ribs to go around.

I believe this misappropriates my culture as a biceptual.

stick to sports

I thought Peter Thiel already was your Public Editor.

This might explain those stretched rectums:

Bill Walton gives this 4 out of 5 Dark Stars

I’m not only surprised the Lowell Sun has survived this long, I’m equally amazed that the city of Lowell, Massachusetts, still exists.

YOU DELETE THAT GIF RIGHT NOW.

“This Nate Peterman is growing on me” sounds like something you’d say if you nicknamed a firmly lodged and rapidly engorging deer tick, or an aggressive melanoma, “Nate Peterman.”

Fun fact: the band The Lovin' Spoonful was named for an old blues lyric about male ejaculate. The metric equivalent? The band 10cc. 

I, too, am looking forward to widespread influenza outbreaks this coming flu season.

“Roger Goodell and his team, they did their thing, you know what I’m saying—[lying]—they dug in and they got all the facts, you know what I’m saying—[lying]. So, like I said, I’m very appreciative for those guys as well.”

Politics have been part of sports at least since Theodosius tried to cancel the Olympics to make Rome Great Again.